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I have been wanting to write a blog post for about a week but have had writer's block.
There has just been nothing. So I have just allowed that nothingness to be, waiting for it to pass and this morning it did. As I was out in the wind and rain walking my dog on a local small mountain the ideas started to flow, and really they were in front of me the whole time. Why do I have writer's block? Well because I am in lockdown for the second time this year and I have lockdown fatigue.
When I look back on the first lockdown we did it seemed much easier. Yes, it is very likely I am looking back with rose-tinted glasses on a time filled with family time, quietness, calm and teamwork. No, it wasn't all like that but I do look back on it with a sense that I really settled into it and that this little family of mine were a good team, doing it together. In fact, I really didn't want to come out of it as my introvert tendencies were really enjoying it.
This time however, I don't feel settled at all. I feel on edge and anxious and like I am just clawing my way through each day to 5pm when my husband emerges from the bedroom office and I feel this relief of his presence.
Things have been really interesting with my son this time. I tried really hard last time to stick to our normal screen time boundaries and it wasn't until the last week that I let things slide. Clearly his memory of that last week were burnt into his screen-loving brain, because as soon as we went into lockdown this time, he expected the loosened screen time rules to kick back in immediately and so we have been navigating those expectations. He is missing his friends desperately, and I just know the balance is all wrong. He needs family time and friends/school time not just all of one. I need that connection with my friends too, outside of what I can manage from my phone. Like actually touching them!
I feel tired, flat, lacking in creativity and just hanging in there. I am sure that I am not alone.
I am going to try to turn things around and soak up these last few days of quiet before we are all released out into the busy world again.
Arohanui friends xxx